As a working mom, do you ever get that sinking feeling that you’re living someone else’s version of your life? Like you’re just checking boxes on a list you didn’t even write? It’s that quiet, nagging voice at the back of your mind whispering that somewhere between the diaper changes, the Zoom calls, and the endless meal prep, you lost touch with the woman you used to be.
If you’re nodding your head right now, take a deep breath. You are not alone in this.
Recently on The Visionary Mom podcast, I sat down with Michelle Kais, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Mindset Mom Coach, to dig into the invisible walls that keep so many of us feeling stuck. And honestly? What we talked about hit home hard. It’s going to resonate with any mom who has ever looked in the mirror and wondered, Is this really all there is?
The Invisible Weight of “Should”
Michelle’s work with high-achieving women has uncovered a pattern that breaks my heart a little because I see it so often. So many moms who look like they have it all together on the outside are feeling completely adrift on the inside. We get so caught up in meeting everyone else’s expectations, trying to be the perfect mom, the perfect employee, the perfect partner, that we forget to ask what we actually want.
It’s not that you lack ambition. Trust me, I know you have drive. It’s about the mental barriers we’ve unconsciously built around ourselves. We tell ourselves these are “practical concerns” (money, time, stability), but let’s call it what it is: fear of wearing a disguise.
The Guilt Trap That Keeps Us Small
If there is one thing that holds us back more than anything else, it’s mom guilt. It’s that heavy, suffocating feeling that tells you you’re being selfish for wanting something for yourself. It whispers that if you take an hour to work on your business or pursue a passion project, your kids are going to suffer.
But Michelle helped me see this from a completely different angle: guilt isn’t serving anyone. It’s not helping you, and it’s definitely not helping your kids.
Think about it this way: when we model self-sacrifice as the only way to be a mother, we are teaching our children that once they have families, their own dreams shouldn’t matter. Is that really the legacy we want to pass down? I want my girls to know that their dreams are valid, and the best way to teach them that is to chase my own.
Finding Your Way Back to You
After years of putting everyone else first, feeling disconnected from your true self is almost inevitable. That woman with big dreams and fiery ambition can feel like a distant memory, buried under piles of laundry and quarterly reports.
Michelle shared some strategies that are actually doable (because we don’t have time for complicated theories) to help you reconnect with your authentic self:
Start Small and Keep Showing Up
You don’t need a weekend retreat to find yourself again. Sometimes, it’s just five minutes in the quiet of the morning with your coffee before the house wakes up. Ask yourself: What do I need today? What would make me feel like me?
Give Yourself Permission to Dream
When was the last time you let your mind wander to what you really want? Not what’s practical, not what fits into the budget right now, but what would light your soul on fire? Stop editing your dreams before they even have a chance to breathe.
Challenge the “All or Nothing” Lie
So many of us believe we have to choose: be a good mother OR pursue our dreams. That is a false choice. It’s one of the biggest lies keeping us from living authentically. You can be a present, loving mom and a badass business owner. They aren’t mutually exclusive.
How Thriving Moms Think Differently
Michelle has noticed specific mindset patterns in moms who are crushing it versus those who feel stuck. And the good news? These aren’t personality traits you’re born with. They are skills you can practice.
They Set Boundaries Without the Guilt Trip
Successful moms know that saying “no” to the PTA bake sale might mean saying “yes” to a client call that moves their business forward. They’ve learned that boundaries aren’t mean or selfish; they are necessary for survival.
They See Dreams as a Family Asset
Instead of seeing their goals as something that takes away from the family, thriving moms know that their happiness benefits everyone. When you are fulfilled, energized, and living in your purpose, you show up better as a mom and a partner. The whole family wins.
They Start Before They’re Ready
Perfectionism is just procrastination in a pretty dress. Moms who break free don’t wait for the stars to align or for the kids to be in college. They start messy. They start now.
Your First Step Toward Freedom
If you’re feeling paralyzed by how far away your dream feels, I get it. The gap between where you are and where you want to be can feel like a canyon. But the key isn’t to leap across; it’s just to take one small step.
Here are three tiny things you can do this week:
- Schedule 10 minutes of “dream time.” Seriously, set a timer. Let your brain go wild without judgment.
- Pick one small action. Maybe it’s buying the domain name or sending that one email.
- Tell someone. Share your dream with one supportive person. Speaking it out loud makes it real.
Breaking Free from the Comparison Game
Social media is a double-edged sword. It connects us, but it also makes it so easy to compare our messy behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s curated highlight reel. Comparison will steal your joy faster than anything else.
Your timeline is yours. Your dreams are valid whether you’re 25 or 45, whether you have a newborn or a teenager.
The Ripple Effect of You Living Your Truth
When you start living authentically, the magic spreads. Your children learn that they matter because they see you valuing yourself. Your partner sees a happier, more lit-up version of you. Your work becomes more than just a paycheck; it becomes a reflection of who you are.
This isn’t about being perfect. We are looking for “Mompreneur Life Unfiltered” here. It’s about showing up as yourself, messy bun and all, and taking small steps toward the life that is calling you.
Consider This Your Permission Slip
If you were waiting for a sign, this is it. You don’t have to wait until the kids are older. You don’t have to wait until you have more money. You don’t have to wait until you feel “ready.”
The life you’re dreaming of isn’t too big, too selfish, or too late. It’s yours. And it’s waiting for you to claim it.
Ready to Move?
Talking with Michelle reminded me that deep down, we usually know what we need to do. We just need a little nudge—a reminder that we are worthy of doing it.
If something in this post made your heart beat a little faster, that’s your inner wisdom speaking. Listen to her.
Start small, start today, and remember: you’re not just a mom. You’re a visionary, and your dreams matter.
What is one small step you can take this week toward the life you’re meant to lead? Drop it in the comments below—I’d love to cheer you on! 👇🏽
Want to hear the full conversation with Michelle Kais? Listen to The Visionary Mom podcast episode “The Working Mom Mindset” wherever you get your podcasts. For more resources on breaking through mindset barriers and living authentically, connect with Michelle at http://www.michellekais.com.